My Dad

Today would have been my dad's 78th birthday.  Seems like a good time to share this post. 

I wanted to share part of my dad's story the last few years of his life. I'll start in April 2022.  He was doing so well and was so healthy. He was golfing, taking guitar lessons, going to the gym regularly, attending meetings at the VA, getting involved in his church and more.  He was known as the Cake Guy at Wednesday night church.  Everyone brought something for the potluck dinner and after bringing cakes for a few weeks in a row, he earned his nickname!  It was great having him in town since he moved back to Lubbock in 2019. 

April 2022 - my dad's 74th birthday.

April 2023 - my dad's 75th birthday.

I remember dad losing his voice in June 2023.  He said he went to the doctor and they gave him some medicine.  It was still hoarse a few weeks later and he said he had been back to the doctor and they gave him steroids this time.  It was still hoarse weeks later so they ordered a scan.  

The VA referred us to Dr. Myers at UT Southwestern in Dallas. We went in September and they did a biopsy.  Unfortunately, it came back as squamous cell carcinoma.  

They wanted him to receive treatment – chemo and radiation – at UT Southwestern but dad didn’t want to have to live there temporarily.  Also, he knew we couldn’t be with him for very much of the time.  

So, thankfully, the VA referred us to Dr. Shalaby (chemo) and Dr. Axelrud (radiation) in Lubbock.  In October 2023, he had a procedure to implant a port for chemo and a peg tube for food/fluids.  His first day of chemo was on Halloween, October 31, 2023.  

Week 1

He went on to have 7 weeks of chemo (once a week) and radiation 5 days a week for the entire 7 weeks.  He handled both treatments like a champ.  Never got sick or weak.  I was thankful to be able to join him for part of all 7 chemo treatments.  We played Phase 10 every time and visited. Then he'd watch Netflix on his phone that we set up for him to help pass the time.  His last treatment was a few days before Christmas 2023.  

Week 2

Week 3

Week 4

Week 5

Week 6

He got back to enjoying life but unfortunately said food didn’t taste right so he still struggled to eat.  Thankfully, he had the peg tube to get nutrients although it caused him to have tummy trouble.  We tried at least 6-7 different types of food supplement shakes and some would work for a while then cause him stomach issues.  The VA was great about shipping me whatever I asked for my dad.  

We got him to the Range a few times to hit some balls to gain back his strength. 

He went in for his PET scan in March 2024.  Again, unfortunately, that scan showed that the cancer had returned. We went in for a biopsy a few days later and it was confirmed that it returned and with a vengeance.  

We opted to stay in Lubbock and see Dr. Cordero for my dad to have a laryngectomy.  So, we heard my dad’s voice for the last time on April 22, 2024. We made a few recordings of him saying a few of his common sayings, thankfully.  

I also took him to the Range the day before the surgery to remind him how healthy he is since we knew this was going to be a tough recovery.

He had the laryngectomy on April 22nd and was such a trooper through it all. 

Unfortunately, it took a while to learn how to suction post-surgery so he had a few ER visits for extreme suctioning.  Thankfully, after those visits, he became a pro at suctioning when needed. But he had to suction so much that he started wanting to not leave the house much.  We did get another portable suctioning machine so he could leave when needed.

White boards and expo markers became our way of communicating when he wasn't texting us. :) 

He took some time to heal and then begin to eat or drink with his new situation.  Then, we quickly realized that his throat had a fistula to where when he ate or drank the food/water would go down his throat, but some could come out his stoma on his neck.  We were told this was common due to the tissue being weak and damaged by the radiation.  This meant another surgery in June 2024 known as a peck flap to try and reconstruct his throat using his left pectoral muscle. They also used skin from his leg to graft over the opening.  

It was a tough surgery again, but he handled it like a champ!  Here he was humoring by taking a picture with the plant his brother sent to him. 

Unfortunately, the surgery wasn’t successful after a few more fistulas formed. We were so bummed.  We went back to Dr. Myers at UT Southwestern for a second opinion.  He didn’t think the surgery was done well and suggested an organ transplant.  They would take muscle from my dad’s thigh and reconstruct this throat.  It’s a huge surgery so he had to heal and gain weight before they would schedule it.  He also went to sessions in the hyper baric oxygen chamber to speed the healing process. By January 2025, he was ready!  We headed to Dallas where he stayed for almost two weeks post-surgery.  Uncle Rod was great and stayed in a hotel down the street for most of the time. 

As you can see, he healed great again and we didn't waste any time in the hospital. Most nurses loved that we were playing right after surgery and I would kick his butt from time to time. 

Dr. Shalaby noticed a small spot on his PET scan in February or March. He said with the major surgery he just had in January, we could wait and repeat it in a few months. 

Things were looking up so we took Grandpa to dinner at Picoso's for Mexican food for his 77th birthday.  He wanted a chili relleno for dinner. He was still pretty weak and cold all the time but we were hopeful.  

April 2025 - Dad's 77th Birthday

In May 2025, we had more scans done on the suspicious spot. The spot had grown in his lung so it didn't look good. We scheduled a biopsy for June 11th. I could see on my dad's MyChart (an app from the hospital to see appointments, results, etc.) that it looked like cancer.  However, we waited until we saw Dr. Shalaby on July 10th to get the news. We both knew already as my dad was really weak and didn't want to get out of the house at all. 

In June, my dad's brother Fred and his daughter came to visit him. 

I truly thought he would be okay and had some time. I thought he just needed to eat and that his weakness was from lack of food, etc.  So after the appointment on July 10th, Shelle, Rod and I were there every day trying to get him to eat.  He humored us and ate a little bit - some hot chocolate, toast with Jelly and a few bites of bologna. He said nothing tasted normal and he was so tired. 

This is my last picture with my dad in June 2025. 

I noticed that my dad hadn't shaved when we went to his July 10th appointment. It was something I had never seen before. My dad was always clean shaven. So it prompted me to ask about a shower. I was truly grateful that I could help him shower, shave and brush his teeth the following Saturday. He's very modest and private, so of course, I only helped a little and stepped out for the rest. 

I remember when Rod, Shelle and I were all sitting with my dad in his living room on that Sunday or Monday, he was getting annoyed with me asking him to eat. He would take a few Advil from me a few times. But otherwise he just wanted to sleep.  He made a praying motion and moved his hands to the sky.  And I said - Are you ready to go, dad?  And he shook his head yes.  I told him that we were okay if he was ready to go but that while he's here we are still going to try and take care of him which meant pestering him to eat. 

Tripp's girlfriend, Maddie, just finished nursing school and had a few weeks before graduation. She was looking for a part time job so we hired her to help my dad a few days a week since I needed to travel for Madi's upcoming volleyball tournaments. 

Maddie and Shelle were over that Tuesday and helped him shower again.  Shelle helped him clip his nails and said he was all spiffy and did he have a date that night. :)  I stayed the whole day and worked while he rested.  I left around 3 or 4pm since we needed to eat dinner and then leave for Madi's senior pictures.

I got a call from my brother during Madi's pictures as we were driving to the last location that our dad had passed away.  Shelle and I headed to his house to meet with the officers.  It took a while for the funeral home to get there so it gave us time to laugh and cry. 

And also say goodbye to my dad.  I initially had a lot of regrets and guilt that I could have done more. But I now know that he wouldn't want me to waste one more second on that. I choose to be so very thankful that he lived close by and that I could be there with him weekly, if not daily, these last few years.  

And I'll never look at a game of Phase 10 the same way again.  

Dad, let's finish our game next time I see you.